Lets Talk- Together as Family

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Picture of Cheryl Mouland
Cheryl Mouland
Cheryl Mouland lives in Oshawa, Ontario with her husband Terry and her two children, Abigail and Cameron. She has 3 cats, loves to read and really enjoys the music of Michael Buble.

When Mental Illness Strikes a Family

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression almost 17 years ago. In that time, I’ve had to learn how to cope and adjust to the challenges that living with a mental illness brings. In the course of those 17 years, both my children were also diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Learning and coping took on a whole new level of importance as I began caring for and supporting my children.They were now facing the same challenges I faced and, in the midst of my own struggles, I needed to equip them so they could be successful in life, in spite of mental illness. It was overwhelming to say the least. How do you keep it together to show your kids that there is hope? How do you tell them there is light in the midst of their dark moments, when there are days you don’t believe it yourself? How do you reassure them that God’s plan for their life is perfect when in the midst of your own darkness, you question that plan in frustration and despair?

The Heartbreaking Diagnoses

When my son was diagnosed with childhood depression and anxiety at the age of 10, I was heartbroken Share on X

Mouland Kids

When my son was diagnosed with childhood depression and anxiety at the age of 10, I was heartbroken. I knew all too well the confusion, fear and darkness my boy was dealing with at that time. The early years of his diagnosis were marked by the same frustrations I dealt with. We saw social workers and crisis workers. We met principals, special education teachers and school board officials. We also met with doctors, psychiatrists and counselors. He was prescribed medication upon medication as our family doctor tried to find the right combinations to help him. We felt utterly helpless. There didn’t seem to be any help for our precious son. We watched him struggle every day as the anxiety took over every area of his life. Seeing your 13-year-old son, in the midst of a complete emotional breakdown, crying in frustration because his anxiety is so severe he can’t go to school and thinks he’ll ever have a normal life, is too much for any parent to bear, let alone one struggling to keep her own depression at bay. I blamed God, I blamed the school system and the health care system and most of all, I blamed myself.

My daughter was diagnosed with anxiety/depression about two years ago. Our girl who loved to sing, spend time with friends and enjoyed school, became withdrawn and sad. Social interaction absolutely terrified her. In the course of a school day, I would get text messages from her because her panic and anxiety had come out of nowhere, paralyzing her with fear. She would come home from school and sleep for hours on end, wake up to eat, then sleep through the night. She lost interest in her friends, church activities and family gatherings. She began to doubt her talents and abilities and her self- esteem completely bottomed out. We took her to our family doctor, and the trial and error to find the right medication began again. The same feelings of anger and frustration I felt when my son was diagnosed, resurfaced as I watched my daughter struggle.

Family Support

Our family now had three members of four, battling diagnosed mental illnesses Share on X

Our family now had three members of four, battling diagnosed mental illnesses. Needless to say, learning how to support each other took on a whole new level of importance. With the help of counsellors, family doctors and psychiatrists, we learned how to support each other through our illnesses. Thankfully, after a lot of trial and error, we each found the right combination of medications to help with the physical symptoms of our depression and anxiety. That enabled us to learn new coping skills and strategies. We learned how to be patient and accepting of each other’s symptoms and do whatever needed to be done to help bring each other through our meltdowns and relapses. When my son was overwhelmed in the mall, he needed to know that we were all ready and willing to leave when he says he’s had enough. When my daughter is frozen in panic at school, we support her through text messages, and let her know that we’ll always be there if she just can’t make it through the day. We speak a little softer and kinder to each other and offer encouragement when we’re struggling. Practically, we remind each other to take our meds and call each other out when we start beating up on ourselves. When we’re overwhelmed and need time to recover, we give each other time and space. And when all else fails and the darkness becomes too much to bear, we cry together, hug each other, and walk through it together.

A Shaken Faith

My faith has been shaken, and I’ve wrestled with God on so many occasions. Share on X

 

The past five years have been incredibly tough at times for our family. My faith has been shaken, and I’ve wrestled with God on so many occasions. Our family now had three members of four, battling diagnosed mental illnesses. I’m so grateful that even when I’m angry and frustrated with him, God understands. He knows what’s going on in my heart and in my mind, and He’s right there, loving me and listening to me. When my broken brain causes me question His plan for me and my children, God shows me, in so many ways, that He’s got everything perfectly worked out. Since moving to Oshawa, both of my children have found the kind of support that could only be sent from God. My son has found an amazing counsellor, was placed in a program at school for kids with severe anxiety and earned his first four credits in high school. He became a Senior Soldier recently, and believes with all his heart that God will guide him through every challenge he will face. My daughter is also working with a wonderful counsellor, and her confidence is getting stronger every day. She has good friends who accept her, anxiety and all, and encourage her through her challenging times. She will start University soon, and knows that God has an amazing plan for her future too.

God in our Lives

My own broken brain will tell me there’s no hope but I’m learning everyday to challenge those thoughts with what I know to be true Share on X

Mouland Family

I’m so grateful for all of the incredible people God has placed in our life who support us and pray for us when things become overwhelming. My husband Terry is one of the greatest gifts God has given. In the face of incredible stress, he has cared for me and our children while working outside the home to ensure we’re all provided for. He is patient, kind and encouraging. He selflessly holds us together and does whatever he can to support us. As a team, we’ve worked together to get our kids the help they need, even when it was overwhelming and frustrating. He is an amazing husband and father, and I will be forever grateful to him for being there with me through this journey.

I am very proud of how both my kids, who in their own ways, have done their part to help to shatter the stigma surrounding mental illness. They have shared experiences on Facebook and other social media, spoken with their friends and encouraged others who are struggling too. They know this illness is nothing to be ashamed of and that there is acceptance and help available for those who are willing to reach out.

I know there may still be difficult days ahead for my family. My own broken brain will tell me there’s no hope but I’m learning everyday to challenge those thoughts with what I know to be true. God hasn’t failed me yet. I have been through the darkness, but he’s been there with me, each and every time. He has brought both of my children through their own darkness, and will be there for them too. His plan for us is perfect and even in the darkness, I’ll trust him and his unfailing love and strength.

 

Cheryls Story – Part 1: This Broken Brain

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Code of Conduct for all Mission Partners of The Salvation Army in Canada and Bermuda

1. Purpose
To provide mission partners with guidelines regarding their expected behaviour while undertaking work on behalf of TSA. The code of conduct states TSA’s commitment to operating in an ethical and legal manner that aligns with TSA’s mission, vision, values and Orders and Regulations. The code of conduct serves as a foundational standard for other conduct-related operating policies.

2. Basic Principles
All mission partners are expected to behave in ways that are aligned with TSA’s mission and values.

2.1. Mission Statement:
The Salvation Army exists to share the love of Jesus Christ, meet human needs and be a transforming influence in the communities of our world.

2.2. Vision Statement
We are an innovative partner, mobilized to share hope wherever there is hardship, building communities that are just and know the love of Jesus.

2.3. Core Values:
Hope: We give hope through the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Service: We reach out to support others without discrimination.
Dignity: We respect and value each other, recognizing everyone’s worth.
Stewardship: We responsibly manage the resources entrusted to us.

3. Conduct Expectations
The code of conduct provides guidelines for mission partner conduct. The code of conduct cannot cover every possible situation; mission partners are responsible for considering each issue in the context of TSA’s mission and values, recognizing that individual conduct may be understood as a reflection of TSA’s values, image, integrity and public trust. If a mission partner is unsure of a situation and needs guidance about their conduct or has concerns about the conduct of another person, they should speak with their supervisor or HR/officer personnel representative.

Mission partners will:
3.1. Comply with TSA policies and procedures.
3.2. Follow all applicable laws and at no time participate in, or assist others to participate in, any illegal, criminal or unethical activities.
3.3. Conduct themselves at all times with honesty, integrity and transparency.
3.4. Perform their defined duties to the best of their ability.
3.5. Treat others, including other mission partners, funders, clients and the public, with respect, dignity, fairness and courtesy.
3.6. Promote and support a work environment that is inclusive of all people and respects their unique abilities, strengths and differences.
3.7. Identify actual, potential or perceived conflicts of interest and disclose them to their supervisor to help minimize or eliminate the impact of such conflicts, which could influence or appear to influence their judgment and actions. Refer to GV 01.003 Conflict of Interest policy for additional direction and requirements.
3.8. Collect, use and disclose confidential information only in accordance with TSA policy and applicable privacy laws. Ensure all records, documents and communications are accurate and that privacy is maintained as required by GV
01.009 Privacy.
3.9. Conduct all business, service and ministry activities in a responsible manner, consistent with TSA’s values of hope, service, dignity and stewardship.
3.10. Always strive to create and maintain the highest health, safety, wellness and environmental standards in all facilities and work areas.
3.11. Take every reasonable precaution to protect the safety of oneself and others and report accidents (however minor) and near-misses (accidents that almost happened), risky behaviours, and instances where equipment and/or building
deficiencies could compromise the safety of a workplace.
3.12. Use information technology, including internet and email, in a professional and appropriate manner, in accordance with TSA policy (IT 02.001 Computers and Information Technology Acceptable Use).
3.13. Ensure they are fit to work and able to perform assigned duties as required by their job description safely, satisfactorily and in compliance with HR 10.002 Substance Impairment in the Workplace.

TSA expects mission partners will not:
3.14. Act in a discriminatory, harassing or violent way toward others.
3.15. Use their position in order to gain an advantage over or exploit the vulnerability of others.
3.16. Destroy or take for personal use any items belonging to or safeguarded by TSA without prior written approval.
3.17. Solicit (money or goods) from clients, donors, vendors, contractors or any person in a position to benefit from their association with TSA. Mission partners will adhere to the requirements of HR 04.002 Gifts, Speaking Fees, and Testimonials policy.
3.18. Give the appearance that they are speaking on behalf of TSA when not authorized to do so or engage in any activity that would negatively impact TSA’s reputation, brand or public image, including the use of personal social media
accounts.
3.19. Initiate contact with the media or respond to their inquiries, and instead will refer all media inquiries to their supervisor, their public relations representative or TSA’s communications department.
3.20. Use, abuse or misuse paid time, TSA resources or the equipment assigned to them.
3.21. Misuse their authority, abuse power, act irresponsibly, retaliate against someone who reports misconduct or exclude others from workplace events.

4. Officers: Orders and Regulations
In the event of a conflict between the provisions of the code of conduct and Orders and Regulations, the latter shall take precedence.

5. Violation of the Code
If a mission partner believes the law, the code of conduct or TSA’s policies may have been violated or are about to be violated, they should inform their supervisor or report their concern through the Whistleblower hotline (see GV 01.008 Whistleblower policy).

Violation of the code of conduct is a serious matter and could result in disciplinary action up to and including termination.