5 Ways for Dealing with Bitterness

Bitterness
Picture of Lindsay Rowe
Lindsay Rowe
Colonel Lindsay Rowe is an officer/pastor within The Salvation Army. He holds a BA honours degree in religious studies from Memorial University of Newfoundland, where he was awarded the university medal for academic excellence in religious studies, and a master of divinity in educational ministries from Tyndale University College and Seminary in Toronto. In his free moments, Lindsay loves reading and jogging.

There’s often a lot of pain and hurt behind the smiles in church lobbies and pews on Sunday mornings. If the things that haunt us were projected on a screen, we’d all be looking for a hole to crawl into. Maybe it’s lying or cheating on your income taxes. Perhaps it was a little thing, but it’s eating away at you, making you feel anxious, hurt, or depressed. The shoe might even be on the other foot. You feel you’re the one who’s the victim, and bitterness and resentment are knocking on the door.

Bitterness

Bitterness does not bring betterness. Did you notice that it’s the “I” that has to change to get from bitter to better? Share on X

Every one of us will suffer evil at some point in our lives. Some of us will have much more than our share of it. We live in a fallen world. And people, including Christians, do all kinds of strange and terrible things. People will lie to you. Somebody you trusted will gossip about you. The gossip might not be true, but it spreads like a poison, and you can’t stop it. A mother-in-law might interfere in your marriage. A roommate or a spouse might say something in anger that cuts so deeply it seems that the wound will never heal.

All of us have opportunities to cherish hatred or extend love. But you can’t afford the price you’re going to pay if you let that bitterness grow in your soul.

Bitterness is when you allow a hurt to become hate. When I was a kid and I had a cut or scratch mom would keep saying, “Don’t pick at it, Lindsay.” She knew picking at it would cause infection. But Lindsay didn’t always listen and that meant more radical treatment, a linseed meal poultice maybe. We do the same with our hurts, don’t we? We poke it, we stoke it, we feed it, we fan it and we stir up the flames to relive the pain of the hurt that came your way. It’s crazy but it hurts so good that we can’t let go of it. That’s what bitterness does. It hangs on to an offense, a hurt, and it grows into a monster.

Five Ways for Dealing with Bitterness

  1. Don’t let bitterness build

    The Bible says that God buries our sins in the deepest sea and doesn’t remember them anymore. He loves us so much, he chooses to forget. We can’t always forget because we don’t have that capacity. Love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. And if we’re going to get along with people, the best way to overcome bitterness and resentment is to not let it happenRemember what Jesus said to Peter? “Seventy times seven.” In other words, forgiveness is to be the ongoing attitude our lives. Martin Luther King Jr said, “Forgiveness is not just an occasional act, it is a permanent attitude.” Don’t let bitterness and resentment build, forgive and move on.

  2. Decide to forgive

    The second thing we can do is to make a conscious decision to forgive. Harry Emerson Fosdick said that when he was a boy he overheard a conversation between his dad and mother at the breakfast table. He heard his dad say, “Tell Harry he can mow the grass today if he feels like it.” As his father left, he heard him call back, “Tell Harry he’d better feel like it.” Forgiveness is not a matter of whether you feel like it or not. It’s a matter of a command from your heavenly Father. “Forgive us our debts,” how, “as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). God says, “Forgive if you feel like it. By the way, you’d better feel like it.”

    Don't let bitterness build, forgive and move on. Share on X

  3. Take the initiative

    A third thing we can do is take the initiative. Sometimes when we’ve been wounded, we sit back and wait and pray that the person who really hurt us will come and fall at our feet and beg for forgiveness. Then we’ll forgive them. But that seldom happens. Most of the time, if we are bitter or resentful, we have to decide to forgive and take the initiative.Matthew 18:15 says, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.” Go tactfully, but take the initiative.

  4. Release the Offender

    Romans 12:19 “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”When you begin to forgive, you say, “God, I turn this person over to you.” You’re not saying they didn’t hurt you or that you were in the wrong. You’re saying you’re not the judge or the executioner. You’re saying, “Lord, I’m going to trust any vengeance taken by you.” It’s not your assignment to make somebody pay.

  5. Look to the future

    Pay attention to the road ahead, not the road behind you. Believe that forgiveness is possible. Believe that through the power of the Holy Spirit working in your life forgiveness can take place.We find great comfort in knowing that our sins have been forgiven, thrown into the sea of Gods forgetfulness, his conscious will to forget. Are you willing to cast your hurts and pain, along with the infections of bitterness and resentment they have generated into the same sea?

roadahead

Pay attention to the road ahead, not the road behind you. Share on X

You might also enjoy

Scroll to Top

Code of Conduct for all Mission Partners of The Salvation Army in Canada and Bermuda

1. Purpose
To provide mission partners with guidelines regarding their expected behaviour while undertaking work on behalf of TSA. The code of conduct states TSA’s commitment to operating in an ethical and legal manner that aligns with TSA’s mission, vision, values and Orders and Regulations. The code of conduct serves as a foundational standard for other conduct-related operating policies.

2. Basic Principles
All mission partners are expected to behave in ways that are aligned with TSA’s mission and values.

2.1. Mission Statement:
The Salvation Army exists to share the love of Jesus Christ, meet human needs and be a transforming influence in the communities of our world.

2.2. Vision Statement
We are an innovative partner, mobilized to share hope wherever there is hardship, building communities that are just and know the love of Jesus.

2.3. Core Values:
Hope: We give hope through the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Service: We reach out to support others without discrimination.
Dignity: We respect and value each other, recognizing everyone’s worth.
Stewardship: We responsibly manage the resources entrusted to us.

3. Conduct Expectations
The code of conduct provides guidelines for mission partner conduct. The code of conduct cannot cover every possible situation; mission partners are responsible for considering each issue in the context of TSA’s mission and values, recognizing that individual conduct may be understood as a reflection of TSA’s values, image, integrity and public trust. If a mission partner is unsure of a situation and needs guidance about their conduct or has concerns about the conduct of another person, they should speak with their supervisor or HR/officer personnel representative.

Mission partners will:
3.1. Comply with TSA policies and procedures.
3.2. Follow all applicable laws and at no time participate in, or assist others to participate in, any illegal, criminal or unethical activities.
3.3. Conduct themselves at all times with honesty, integrity and transparency.
3.4. Perform their defined duties to the best of their ability.
3.5. Treat others, including other mission partners, funders, clients and the public, with respect, dignity, fairness and courtesy.
3.6. Promote and support a work environment that is inclusive of all people and respects their unique abilities, strengths and differences.
3.7. Identify actual, potential or perceived conflicts of interest and disclose them to their supervisor to help minimize or eliminate the impact of such conflicts, which could influence or appear to influence their judgment and actions. Refer to GV 01.003 Conflict of Interest policy for additional direction and requirements.
3.8. Collect, use and disclose confidential information only in accordance with TSA policy and applicable privacy laws. Ensure all records, documents and communications are accurate and that privacy is maintained as required by GV
01.009 Privacy.
3.9. Conduct all business, service and ministry activities in a responsible manner, consistent with TSA’s values of hope, service, dignity and stewardship.
3.10. Always strive to create and maintain the highest health, safety, wellness and environmental standards in all facilities and work areas.
3.11. Take every reasonable precaution to protect the safety of oneself and others and report accidents (however minor) and near-misses (accidents that almost happened), risky behaviours, and instances where equipment and/or building
deficiencies could compromise the safety of a workplace.
3.12. Use information technology, including internet and email, in a professional and appropriate manner, in accordance with TSA policy (IT 02.001 Computers and Information Technology Acceptable Use).
3.13. Ensure they are fit to work and able to perform assigned duties as required by their job description safely, satisfactorily and in compliance with HR 10.002 Substance Impairment in the Workplace.

TSA expects mission partners will not:
3.14. Act in a discriminatory, harassing or violent way toward others.
3.15. Use their position in order to gain an advantage over or exploit the vulnerability of others.
3.16. Destroy or take for personal use any items belonging to or safeguarded by TSA without prior written approval.
3.17. Solicit (money or goods) from clients, donors, vendors, contractors or any person in a position to benefit from their association with TSA. Mission partners will adhere to the requirements of HR 04.002 Gifts, Speaking Fees, and Testimonials policy.
3.18. Give the appearance that they are speaking on behalf of TSA when not authorized to do so or engage in any activity that would negatively impact TSA’s reputation, brand or public image, including the use of personal social media
accounts.
3.19. Initiate contact with the media or respond to their inquiries, and instead will refer all media inquiries to their supervisor, their public relations representative or TSA’s communications department.
3.20. Use, abuse or misuse paid time, TSA resources or the equipment assigned to them.
3.21. Misuse their authority, abuse power, act irresponsibly, retaliate against someone who reports misconduct or exclude others from workplace events.

4. Officers: Orders and Regulations
In the event of a conflict between the provisions of the code of conduct and Orders and Regulations, the latter shall take precedence.

5. Violation of the Code
If a mission partner believes the law, the code of conduct or TSA’s policies may have been violated or are about to be violated, they should inform their supervisor or report their concern through the Whistleblower hotline (see GV 01.008 Whistleblower policy).

Violation of the code of conduct is a serious matter and could result in disciplinary action up to and including termination.